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Movie: The VelociPastor (2018)
Genre:
Director: Brendan Steere
Date of Release: 13 Aug 2019
Duration: 75
IMDB Rating: 5.2/10
5.2
Movie review score
4/5

About The VelociPastor (2018)

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

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And when you add ninjas and a VelociPastor, really, there's nothing else you dare ask for. Throw in an utterly bonkers overly edited lovemaking sequence and you have a movie I'll be telling people about for the next few weeks. The writing was good with so many classic one liners. Look – any movie where ninjas battle prostitutes and priests is going to be anything but boring. Failing that, maybe this could have worked as a self-consciously silly spoof if the gags were a bit more clever. By the sheer grace of the Holy Spirit has our wretched world been granted the brief pleasure of experiencing this precious gift before the fires of the end times consume us all. Sometimes all you need in life is one film and this film is it. It is a very low quality movie. Live long and prosper! It's terrible.

Part of (okay, most of) what makes The VelociPastor so great is that Kempinksi and Cohan (a better-looking version of Benedict Cumberbatch) act the hell out of it. This was glorious. This movie knew exactly what it was, and that's was a fun little campy flick shot on a two dollar budget. In other words, they're in on the joke and you should be too. I have to add that “Velocipastor” has a cool soundtrack. In the beginning, a pastor loses his mother and father to “VFX: Car On Fire”, and thus travels to “China” on a spiritual journey, only to cut his hand on a tooth-shaped religious artifact that blesses him with the heavenly power to transform into a velociraptor! Just sit back and laugh, The VelociPastor is wonderfully dumb and very funny. 10 outta 10, 2 huge thumbs up, etc etc. Funniest thing ive ever seen

Worst movie ever made

You have to watch it

Its worth every minute An amazing work of art. The VelociPastor has a new mission from God and it involves killing lots of people, including a rogue sect of ninja Knights Templar. It's a limited role, but her performance is surprisingly very sweet and touching at times, and she shows some real talent here.

Brendan Steere, Alyssa Kempinski, and Greg Cohan are a dino-mite team in The VelociPastor. It is silly, over-the-top, and entertaining. And yeah, in a way I was right. This is truly the Citizen Kane of the Millennial Generation.

This had me roaring with laughter several times. It's true marvel of cinema. Some of the acting obviously falls short and it is a tightrope walk getting this story from scene one to the end without total collapse. The acting, and direction was quite terrible. This movie cured my cancer and my acne, my asthma is gone and I don't need my glasses anymore This is nothing but a hilarious ride from start to finish, a mangled heap of god-awful props, dialogue, costuming, lighting, special effects, and acting jammed into an inexplicable plot by a genius director who manages to make a very bad movie on purpose without any shred of pretense or shame. The VelociPastor is as ridiculously fun as you'd hope it would be with a boyish, soft spoken priest (a perfectly cast Greg Cohan) obtaining the ability to turn into a vicious, flesh eating, and very corny looking dinosaur. The first morning scene with Carol and the part where the ninja had a sort of flashback of someone telling him this was how he would die were probably the only two times I cracked a smile during the whole movie. The quality of acting… It has ninjas in it. Alyssa Kempinski is so good as Carol, the hooker.

The effects are a blend of cheap CGI and low tech practical effects that fit inbetween gaming graphics and Adult Swim stuff. And genuine laughs. They become entertaining when you at least get the impression that everyone on screen was trying their damnedest but the result was unintentionally hilarious. Pretty cool for a movie that came out of a trailer from 2011! If you love quality cinema and the movie Babel, you'll probably hate this. A dying woman gives him a dragon tooth and soon, he learns that he can transform into a raptor. Pure batsh** cheese.

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Surely you love to watch Action films so you can watch The VelociPastor. Watch The VelociPastor in HD quality, no buffering no ads only movies and have fun watching The VelociPastor. You can even watch The VelociPastor with your friends in HD quality. Watch The VelociPastor on any device responsive and interactive! Try watching The VelociPastor in high definition absolutely. The story was superior to any other movie I have ever seen. It would have been cool if more focus on creating a darker raptor had been taken, but still, it is a movie about a young priest turning into a dinosaur so the puppet/costume seems fitting. From the realistic 1967 GI Timberland boots on the American soldiers to the surgeon having Carol recover from her life-saving procedure fully dressed in a primary care practice exam table, the producers maintained perfect accuracy in every minute detail. If you're looking for so bad it's good, save yourself 70 minutes and keep looking. It. Now. I'm not going to throw much detail into this review; I'm just going to tell you the only thing you need to know:

This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen and you need to do yourself the best favor you'll give yourself all year and Watch. WORTH WATHCING After a devastating family tragedy – my copy still doesn't have the VFX done but I can assume it must have been pretty awful – Father Jones loses his faith and moves to China, as you do. The film plays out like a Saturday morning cartoon meets Troma, which makes it the perfect midnight movie with some weed or beer. No longer can even the most skeptical of atheists deny the existence of a higher power. The special effects…

Overall this isn't gonna be everyone's take on “Velocipastor”. No regrets!

This movie also pays a great deal of attention to detail.

The frames when Doug turns into a dinosaur were so convincing that three software engineers at Dreamworks committed suicide on it's opening night. I enjoyed this film. The people who made this movie knew exactly what they were doing. Props and CGI is horrible. It becomes clear very early that this movie means to be over-the-top. On the plus side, it's shorter than the Irishman and twice as entertaining. But hear me out it's one of the most hilarious films i've ever seen. Praise Jesus!

Brendan Steere understands perfectly well the type of film he is making, and he was smart enough to gather a cast and crew who were in on the joke too. If you want deeper meaning and drama look elsewhere. But it's a wild ride from beginning to end: violence, romance, suspense, mystery, gore, broken families, heartache, religion, ridiculousness, and more! Super great one liners, exquisite CGI and many more stuff crammed into this movie I want a sequel.

The funniest part of the film – there are many – was when the church brings in an exorcist, played by animator/musician/toy designer/renaissance man Voltaire. The timing of the jokes is spot on as well. Lots of action, lots of laughter, lots of fun.

Watch this movie. This is a movie about a pastor who turns into a dinosaur to kill bad guys. I laughed, i cried, i hurled. The actress who plays Carol comes closest to this kind of sincerity, but this movie as a whole doesn't work on that level. Dollar store special effects but still a good time! It had me hooked in the first few minutes when there was a spectacular VFX explosion of a car. Some of the many highlights include a workout montage featuring very short shorts, a ridiculous, multiple split screen love scene, a pimp with an epic comb over, a hilarious Vietnam War flashback, and ninjas. There were many moments in this film where I had to pause it because I was laughing so hard. The big budget allowed for many epic fight scenes. The ninja fight scene is what Mortal Kombat would look like if it got hijacked by a kindergarten drama class. They need to make this a franchise like Sharknado. Stop being stuck up and watch something stupid and fun. The story structure…

If you don't want to watch this movie after that first paragraph, you may want to rethink coming to our site.

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Have you watched The VelociPastor yet ? A brand new Action film of 2020! You can watch The VelociPastor in HD right here completely free create a free account and watch your favorite Action films anytime anywhere from any device free! Watch The VelociPastor from IPhone, Android, Tab and smart TV in HD quality. No buffering maximum quality insured across Europ and North America! It's crude, loud, and ridiculous and amazingly good. If you love dinosaurs, ninjas with ever changing accents and cgi that leaves you in disbelief then this is the movie for you. 10/10 Oscar nomination. If you are looking for fun and a good laugh, this movie has it. It's the type of movie that, honestly, if you don't look at the poster and go “Oh, my God, I need this” then you need to just back away slowly. Worth every minute of watching Our mere mortal minds cannot fathom the cinematic splendor that is “The Velocipastor”. It's schlocky. Also… It doesn't take itself serious but everyone involved were serious about creating this tongue-in-cheek bit of satire. Been a while since I enjoyed a movie that much. Steere manages to bring the feel of the 70s to the screen in the best way. I love the part when he turns into a raptor I fully expected to go into this movie finding it too ridiculous to review seriously. Bad, low-budget movies don't become entertaining by showing off that they're low-budget. A true romantic comedy to rival Notting Hill and Bridget Jones' Diary Watch now, you won't be disappointed. It would be a cinematic tragedy if they don't make Son of Velociraptor.

Well done folks. It is a cultural journey through the complicated religious connections of the world. This is a $35,000 epic begging for you to devour it. I would give this movie more stars if possible. The camp level was a 10 and every actor knew that. Not since The Tower of Babel itself has there been a monument of mankind that has rendered those who look upon it to be at a total loss for words. Still, somehow, everything holds together with fun, entertaining craziness. Hail Mary! I can make better CGI on my Motorola phone. And the whole music video montage in the center was entertaining as heck! It then proceeded to mesmerize me with superb acting, a profoundly deep plot line, and subtle directing that provided a haunting sense of “what comes next” when watching the movie. At first, he's horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight ninjas. It has everything you could ask for – perfectly timed, groan-worthy lines, props that look like they came from a school play, and actors that embrace every bit of the cheese potential. Evey scene is well crafted with jokes that are aided by camera movement to get the most laughs. Much like classic horror comedies in the past, “Full Moon High”, and “Pandemonium”, this film knows it is absurd comedy and total cheese. They make love, which goes against his vow of celibacy.

I've heard the film described as so bad it's good, but I don't think that is accurate. Don't worry, the spirit of the filmmakers are sitting next to you as you watch The VelociPastor winking and nudging and laughing the entire time.

Disclaimer: I received a screening link to this movie from the publicist for review consideration. Pretty much everything about the movie was perfect; if you're a fan of low-budget horror-comedies, it's a must-see. “Velocipastor” is ridiculous, it can't be taken seriously but I enjoyed every minute of it. It's stupid cheesy, and yet they manage such solid performances that you can't help but admire them. And then, when her pimp confesses that he's the one who killed our hero's parents, well, all bets are off. This movie was so inspirational that I will create a religion based off of it. The cheap costumes add to the charm of the film.

Overall, this is a near perfect movie and I (and Sam, who also watched and gave her input here) recommend it to everyone. I'm a better man for watching this. If you have watched The VelociPastor, you can read or write the film review on The VelociPastor on IMDB. And let us know whether you liked the film or not at the comment section below..

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